Grasshopper Passion

So here I am, caught on the twin-horned dilemma of no storms to chase and no gigs to play. But you, my faithful readers, are longing for a word from Stormhorn.com, and I feel my responsibility toward you weighing heavily upon me. What can I offer you?

Grasshopper passion.

A few weeks ago, back in September, I took a hike at a nature park in nearby Ada, Michigan. Evidently, early fall is the season of love for grasshoppers, a time during which they become the Woodstock generation of the insect world, and in numerous places all along the trail, hoppers were locked in shocking, shameless public displays of unbridled lust.

Somehow, though, I found it hard to take offense. Probably my moral sensitivity has become dulled by Hollywood and advertising. Then again, grasshopper passion just isn’t all that passionate. By way of example, I submit the following photo of a couple locked in the throes of ecstasy. Click the image to enlarge it, though why you would want to do so is beyond me.

I have to say, judging by the looks on their faces, that this pair doesn’t seem particularly excited. In fact, they don’t even appear to be awake. When your brain is the size of an ant booger, situational awareness just isn’t going to be one of your key strengths.

I took a number of shots of these two hoppers, and they all look the same. I can testify that what you see here is as heated as it gets. A minute later, neither of my subjects had moved a solitary grasshopper muscle. It’s as if having sex had turned them to stone. Having better things to do than wait for them to finish their sordid business (Him: “So…was it good for you?” Her: “Was what good for me?” Him: “I’m not sure.”), I moved on.

Taken altogether, insect porn is pretty G-rated stuff, on a par with watching Kermit the Frog eat oatmeal. Parents, no need to shield your children’s eyes. The only trauma they’re likely to experience is boredom.

Pitcher Plants on the Balcony

It’s getting toward that time of year when I’ll be taking the kids indoors. During the warm months, as far as I’m concerned, they can stay outside all night long, and they do. Pretty soon, though, the nights will get frosty and the kids will get cold. Does that mean I’ll let them in? Heck no. Not right away, anyway. They can darn well stay outside, and without a stitch of clothes on, at that. I’m not about to pamper them. The cold air will do them good before I finally take them inside and shut them in the refrigerator for three months.

Before you report me for child abuse, let me explain that “the kids” are my carnivorous plants, which I keep out on the balcony at my apartment. Presently they are flourishing, still sending up new trap leaves in mid-September. But my white-top pitcher plant, Sarracenia leucophylla, is in the process of rapidly producing its  fall flush of traps, a sure sign that autumn’s triggering mechanism is bringing changes to my little collection. Waning daylight and plummeting temperatures will soon signal the kids to go into hibernation, at which point I will take them out of their pots, wrap them in sphagnum moss, dust them with sulfur, and stick them in the frig for their mandatory rest period.

There will be more of them in the refrigerator this year. The family has grown. Besides several potfuls of Venus flytraps, I now own all eight species of United States pitcher plants. Now I’m working on adding variations, beginning with the addition of Sarracenia rubra var. wherryii, S. flava var. cuprea, and the “maroon throat” variation of S. alata. I’d love at some point to add the rare S. rubra var. jonesii to the collection, but that may be tricky. The variety is cultivated and sold by at least one reputable dealer, but interstate transport may be a problem. Collection from the wild is, of course, out of the question; besides being illegal, the poaching of a rare and endangered species is flat-out reprehensible.

But I digress. Right now, as I was saying, the kids are out on the balcony and loving this warm, moist, misty September weather. My oreophila put out its phyllodia months ago, so it’s got a head-start on hibernation. The rest are, as I have said, still cranking out leaves that seem to be getting only more robust. And I’m really looking forward to the fall show of the leucophylla, which is easily the gaudiest of the Sarracenias.

Yeah, I know–you want pictures. Okay, I’ll post some. But not now. Give me a few days, then look in my photos section under the wildflowers tab. Right now, I just wanted to offer you a diversion from jazz and weather. After all, there’s more to life, and certainly more to my life, which seems to be marked by quirky interests. I’d say the kids qualify for “quirky,” wouldn’t you?

Sitting in with the Local Musicians

It’s always a pleasure to sit in with local musicians. In Suttons Bay, Michigan, I got a chance to blow with some very, er, unusual cats. Talk about jazz being an art form.

I had played a fun gig in Leelanau the previous evening just north of Cedar with the Rhythm Section Jazz Band. Lisa came with me, with the idea that we’d overnight in Traverse City and then take in a bit of northern Michigan. There’s no more beautiful place than the Leelanau peninsula in the fall, and we took our time driving through the area, up the east coast along Grand Traverse Bay to Leelanau State Park and the Grand Traverse Lighthouse, then down the shoreline of Lake Michigan to Sleeping Bear.

Stopping in the artsy-craftsy town of Suttons Bay, we had gotten some coffee and were heading back to the car when I happened to spot a jam session taking place outside a shop. Strangely, though, not a note was being played. As you can see, the band was in fact a group of stylized jazz musicians made

out of metal and set out on the lawn. Whatever the tune was that they were playing, they seemed to be really getting into  it, but something was missing. Ya can’t have a jazz band without a sax player, ya know!

Naturally, I volunteered my services, and we went at it. Lisa caught our little ensemble with her camera. Hope you enjoy the pics!

Jazz Goatee

Having nothing much to say tonight, I thought, what the heck, maybe you’d like to see a recent photo of me. The goatee is something new. I’ve had one in the past, but I got tired of it and trimmed it off. However, I fancy that I look rather good in a goatee, so I thought I’d take another whack at growing one. After all, a goatee is a pretty jazz musicianly thing.

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Mine has more salt in it than seems right for a guy who’s only thirty years old and has been for quite a few years. But that’s okay. I’m told it makes me look dignified. I’m far too young to look dignified, but I’ll take that over looking ugly.

Besides, my buddy Dewey assures me that people will treat me with more respect and take me more seriously now that I’m sporting a goatee. Of course, it’s hard for me to take Dewey seriously when he tells me this, since he himself is not wearing a goatee.

No matter. What counts is, my lovely woman Lisa thinks I look good, and she made me look fairly decent in this photo. A bit red-faced, but that comes with blowing a saxophone, something I’ve been doing for over forty years now. I think you’ll have to agree that’s a pretty neat trick for a guy who’s only thirty years old.

Playing Drums: Bet You Didn’t Know It Was This Easy

I’m visiting with my youngest brother, Brian, and his family in Dallas. Brian and I are the musical bookends among our siblings, Brian having earned his music degree at North Texas State University and gone on to make his living as a professional drummer. I haven’t yet shown him the following link. I’m sure he’ll feel stunned to know how easy playing the drums really is. Yes, stunned is no doubt the word. You don’t even need drums, not today in this age of quality technology. All you need is the miraculous keyboard featured in this video. If you’re playing rock and roll, just make sure to play the bass drum on da firs’ beat and on da turd beat.

Heaven help me and all other horn men if the guy in the video ever turns his eyes toward the saxophone. We’ll all be out of a job.

The Loudest Sax Player Ever

My friend and fellow musician Dave DeVos once told me, “You are the loudest sax player I’ve ever known.”

His words weren’t a compliment, just a statement of fact tinged with a slight mix of incredulity and annoyance. I’m a very loud sax player, much louder than I realize. As the old cliche says, I don’t know my own strength.

Of course I can play softly, but soft is not my default mode. Part of that is attributable to my horn, which is an old Conn 6M “Ladyface” that is very good at translating the air I move through it into immense volume levels. Another part is due to my mouthpiece, a Jody Jazz classic #8. But I think the main reason I’m a loud player is directly linked to the guy behind the horn. I just seem to have a knack for massive sound output.

I wasn’t always a loud player. I entered my freshman year in college a quiet young saxophonist. My sound at the time was styled after Tom Strang, a local alto man who owned a jazz bar in Ada called the Foxhead Inn. Tom had a smooth, mellow sound, very pleasing to the ears. He was not a loud sax player.

As an early influence, Tom’s tone pointed me toward a somewhat Desmondesque approach, not exactly the kind of robust Cannonball sound that could melt the wax in a listener’s ears at 100 feet. It was more a kind of foofy-foof-foof tone–subdued and, I thought, pleasantly sophisticated.

It was this mellow, sedate sound that I brought with me to the student big band at Aquinas College, where I sat under the august directorship of jazz professor Bruce Early. I was assigned to the first alto chair, and my lack of experience was such that I felt eminently qualified to fill the position. Clearly word of my abilities on the sax had preceded me, and Bruce had simply placed me where he knew I belonged. First chair. It was inevitable.

I’ll never forget my first awakening to the possibility that maybe I wasn’t all that and a supersized order of fries. The band was playing through some tune I’ve long since forgotten, and in the middle of the chart there was space for an alto solo. Cool. A chance for me to show my stuff, give Bruce a taste of my chops. I launched into the solo. Foofy-foof-foof, I played, subtly, while the rhythm section whanged away.

Bruce stared at me. “Play louder,” he said.

Ah. Louder. Okay then. Foof-foof-foofy-foof! I declared, in a volume that could almost be heard from ten feet away.

Bruce’s stare became a glare. “Louder!” he barked.

My gosh, what did this guy want? Here I was, foofing as loudly as ever I had foofed, and Bruce was calling for more.

I returned his glare with a desperate glance.

Foof? I played. Foofy-foof!

I was trying, but I quickly trended toward the softer, cocktail lounge volume that I was used to.

That did it for Bruce. “BLOW!!!!” he yelled. “For crying out loud, BLOOOWWWWW!!!!!!”

Some of the more seasoned musicians snickered, and my face went red as a beet. Hell’s bells. Fine, if it was volume Bruce wanted, I’d give him volume. And I did. I had a lot to learn about embouchure and tone production, but at that point I instinctively dipped into the raw essentials, filled my lungs with air, and blew my ever-loving cheeks off.

From that time on, while Bruce yelled at me for any number of things, my volume level wasn’t among them. He never again complained that I was playing too softly. Nor has anyone else, for that matter. Not ever. I’ve played with highly amplified blues bands and church worship teams and outblown them without using a microphone. I’ve been asked plenty of times to turn it down a bit, please. But no one has ever come to me and said, “Could you play louder? I can barely hear you.”

Just ask Dave. He’ll be glad to tell you, as soon as his ears stop ringing.

Chicken Soup for the Solo

The meds that the doc prescribed for me seem to finally be working their mojo. I’m still coughing, but it’s no longer a painful cough, and yesterday’s feverishness has passed. Today I went out and bought a bunch of Amish chicken and a whole passel of assorted veggies and rice, and I made up a huge potful of chicken soup. I’ve heard more than one person tell me that the old wive’s tale is true: homemade chicken soup has a wholesome, curative property. I believe it. People breathing their last gasp have been known to revive at a mere whiff of my chicken soup.

Anyway, it’s been a week since I’ve played my horn, and in the interrim, I’ve felt so lousy that I haven’t even thought about it. As for storm chasing, ha. Good thing I didn’t go down to Tornado Alley last weekend with Bill and Tom–not only would I have been miserable, but by now they would be, too.

Storms have been lighting up the Plains pretty much all week. My friend Kurt Hulst was out in Oklahoma yesterday with his pal Nick, and he posted some nice pics on his blog. I’m assuming he caught the supercells in northern Texas earlier today as well. Can’t wait to see those photos.

Of course, I’ve been out of the action. Out of practice on my sax, out of the picture for chasing storms. In another couple of days, though, I should be ready to rumble. I just hope the weather feels the same way. My head is finally back on my shoulders only barely enough that I might start giving a rip about the forecast models, and maybe even be able to make some sense out of them again.

Enough for now. Tornadoes can wait. Right now, a bowlful of chicken soup is calling my name. If I eat enough, I might find myself in good enough shape by tomorrow to blow a few notes on my saxophone. Chicken soup for the solo. I like that idea.

Why I Hate Snow

I really don’t hate snow. Loathe it, yes.  Wish it would rot in hell like the fourfold abomination it is, certainly. But hate? Come, now, what is there to hate about snow, other than the fact that it’s cold, wet, miserable, a road hazard, and an overall royal pain in the keister?

Hmmm…judging from my attitude, we’re definitely moving on toward February, when attitudes toward snow here in Michigan tend to shift from  aesthetic appreciation to pragmatism. It takes both an artist and a pragmatist to live in this state year-round.

Okay, I confess: I really don’t hate snow. I just like to gripe about it, that’s all. Looking outside today at the large, white flakes drifting out of the late January sky, I don’t mind admitting that the stuff is downright pretty, and winter wouldn’t be winter without it. From a practical standpoint, we need all the snow we can get, lots and lots of it, to bring the Great Lakes levels back up to snuff from their alarmingly low levels. And just between you and me, speaking as an aesthete, I’d miss snow if we didn’t have it. It’s part of Michigan, and I sure do love this state.

So come on, snow! Hit me with your best shot and see if I don’t come up smiling and asking for more.

I probably won’t. But I’m still glad it’s snowing. Hurray for snow.

I hope it goes away soon, though.

A Cold Day in Caledonia, or, The Irony of Virtual Storm Chasing in January

Whoo-WEEE, is it cold outside! Nine degrees, the KGRR METAR says, but I think the gents at our local WFO are being optimistic. It”s cold enough to make a snowman ask for a down jacket. Cold enough to crystallize a penguin”s nuts. (Did I just say that?) Cold enough to make a summer home in Antarctica sound good. Cold enough to…okay, okay, I”ll stop. Put down that gun. But we are talking one significantly frosty day here in beautiful Caledonia, Michigan, folks, a real booger-freezer if ever there was one.

Tomorrow the temperature is progged to rocket back up to a balmy ten degrees. That”s an improvement, though not one that inclines me to slip on a T-shirt. Saturday, however, the warming trend kicks in full force, and we”ll all be sweating to a downright tropical nineteen degrees. So you can see that there”s light at the end of the tunnel.

I’m going out with my camera in a bit to capture some shots for Dave VanderVeen”s WaterlandLiving blog. I”m not sure what there is to see in weather like this, or how brave I feel about venturing very far out in it. I do have one, um, cool idea, though, so I guess we’ll see. It may get scuttled by lake effect snow. We”re supposed to get a ton of that. But right now the sun is shining. That”s today for you: sunshine, snow, sunshine, snow, back and forth, sloshing around in an atmosphere that feels like the last Fahrenheit has been sucked right out of it. And now, as I look out the window, I see that the wind is starting to kick in. How much more interesting can things get?

What”s particularly ironic is, I”m currently working through Chase Case #8 on Stormtrack, and while all of the other participants are playing to the south on this particular virtual synoptic setup, I”m sitting right here in Caledonia under a moderate risk, waiting for either a model update or for tornadic thunderstorms to fire. Sixties dewpoints, temps in the seventies, nice backing winds…mmmm-hmmm, right. If there”s a solitary dewpoint out there right now, it”s freezing its little buns off.

But I can dream. In fact, right about now, that”s my only option as a storm chaser.

Just wait till May, though. Just wait till May.

Of Foxes and Saxophones

In my last post, I established that cows make a great jazz audience. Given their rapt enthusiasm for my saxophone playing, I might even opt for a roomful of them over people, provided they pay at the door, order a few drinks, and tip the waitress. Then again, cows are notorious for hygienic indiscretion, so I guess I”ll go with people after all, at least until the day when Depends for cows hits the market.

So much for cows. On to foxes.

Early one morning on my way to work, driving through the countryside near the airport, I pulled my car onto the shoulder by a broad meadow. With half an hour to kill, I assembled my horn, figuring I”d get in a little sax practice to start the day off right.

As I stood there serenading the sunrise, I noticed a riffling motion in the weeds a hundred feet off to my right. Out of the tall grass emerged a red fox. It edged closer…closer…to within maybe sixty feet from me. Then it sat, its head cocked, watching intently as I played. After a minute, apparently deciding I was safe, the fox moved closer still, then sat again and listened. From the studious look on its face, I figured it was analyzing my licks, absorbing them for possible use in its own playing.

Hard to say how long the little guy sat there–maybe five minutes, maybe even longer. Eventually he got up and, casting a couple backward glances, trotted off.

What a gift! As much as I love the countryside and as much time as I”ve spent in it, I nevertheless have seen foxes only a handful of times. They”re retiring creatures which prefer not to be seen. But like many other animals, they seem to have a fascination for music. That one would allow its curiosity to overcome its natural fear of man in such a way, for what strikes me as a pretty lengthy amount of time, is something I consider remarkable–or at least, very, very cool.

On a fishing trip in Ontario several years ago, I packed in my soprano sax. In the evening, after a full day of fishing, I would sit on the rocky shore of the wilderness island where my buddies and I were camped, playing my horn and listening to the loons call back from across the waters. The antiphony was haunting and beautiful. Those were magical twilights, filled with loon song, the scent of white pine, and the voices and laughter of friends.

What a rich creation God has given us! And what an incredible treasure is music, connecting humans with the wild things of the earth and giving us glimpses of how things were meant to be–and how they once were long, long ago, back in the Garden.